Fic: As You Were, Doctor

[fringedwellerfic]

Title: As You Were, Doctor
Author: fringedwellerfic
Rating: R, but I'm erring on the safe side. Lots of oblique references, no actual sex.
Warnings: Mentions Spock/Uhura, Sulu/Chekov and Scotty/Yeoman Rand
Summary: Kirk's been a good boy, and just wants to get Bones into bed. Why is the universe fighting him?
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, and I'm not making any money off this.





Finally, the Enterprise was where it belonged, out in the deep, dark vastness of the galaxy.

Despite having a five year search and discover remit, Starfleet had been using its flagship for petty, mind numbingly boring missions for the last four weeks. Well, that’s what its captain thought, anyway.

Kirk had smiled through gritted teeth at ambassadorial parties using his ship as a taxi service. He had grudgingly admitted that yes, those medical supplies got to Denec II quicker on board the Enterprise than on the standard Federation freight transport. He completely failed to understand why the Starfleet Engineering Corps had to hold their Holodeck Assessment and Activation Conference on board his ship, but he had gamely put up with one hundred and twenty fascinated engineers poked their noses in every nook and cranny and prevented Scotty from committing grievous bodily harm on those that wandered too close to the transporter room.

Despite being bored witless they had all been busy, and the crew and its captain were due for some relaxation.

Now, though, they were far away from Starfleet headquarters, and waste of time missions. They were passing at quarter impulse speed through a spectacularly beautiful gas nebula so the science officers could get never-seen-before data. Everyone who wasn’t a science officer was using it as a backdrop for rest and relaxation.

For Kirk, it meant that only one thing; getting Bones into bed.

For four weeks his best friend, chief medical officer and lover had been conspicuously absent from his quarters. Bones had this annoying hang up about appearing unprofessional and having shuttle after shuttle of noteworthy passengers trot through the ship had only cemented his views on how inappropriate it was for the CMO to be caught healing his own love bites. No, while there were strangers on board, Kirk had had to keep his pants firmly zipped.

Now, of course, all bets were off.

It was late into gamma shift, and the numbers in the Officers Lounge had dwindled down to just him and Bones. The last ambassador from Casperia Prime had slipped him a finely aged and distinctly illegal bottle of Romulan Ale, and they had made good progress into it that night. Well, Bones had. Jim had sipped slowly, and kept Bones’ glass topped up regularly through the evening. A tipsy Bones was a frisky Bones, one of the more useful pieces of information gleaned from three years at the Academy.

Bones had reached that level of inebriation that caused him to lean directly onto Kirk, and his long, drawn out vowels were being drawled directly into Kirk’s ear, the huffs of hot breath sending pleasurable tingles down Kirk’s neck. One more, he decided, then Bones would be entering the grabby hands drunken phase, which always preceded a good time for all. Just as Jim reached out to slosh another measure into Bones’ glass, the doors opened and a concerned looking Lieutenant Sulu entered the lounge. Bones heaved himself up and away from Kirk, and Jim immediately felt the loss.

“I’m sorry for interrupting sir, but have you seen Chekov this evening?”

“Sorry Sulu, “ Bones managed, “but he hasn’t been in at all, and we’ve been here since the end of beta shift. You’ve lost him?”

Sulu coloured slightly, and looked awkwardly at his captain.

“I was supposed to be teaching him how to fence. He’s been asking since our dive onto Nero’s drill, and I finally managed to book some holodeck time. But he didn’t show. He’s not answering his comm, and the computer doesn’t have him logged into any station.”

Kirk frowned. He was tempted to shoo Sulu away, but something about the story rang some vague alarm bells. Chekov’s attempt to keep his crush on the attractive helmsman a secret was a distinct failure. In fact, the only person oblivious to it seemed to be Sulu himself. For Chekov to miss a chance to get Sulu hot and sweaty was highly unlikely.

“I did see him earlier. He was in the mess hall with Uhura," Bones offered. “We could comm her and ask if she’s seen him.”

Sulu cheered up at this news.

“Thanks, doc. I’ll do that.”

Kirk brightened as Sulu turned to the door, but he slumped back down as Sulu used the comm unit, not the door control.

“Sulu to Lieutenant Uhura. Respond, please.”

There was a suspiciously long pause, then a rather breathless voice answered.

“Uhura here.”

“Uhura, have you seen Chekov? He’s late for a fencing lesson.”

The pause returned, although this time Jim could have sworn that he felt the temperature drop in the room.

“Since dinner? No.” Uhura’s voice had a distinctly frosty tone. “Is there anything else I can help you with? The location of any other random crew members?”

“I don’t suppose you could ask Commander Spock if he’s seen him?”

Both Jim and Bones sucked in a breath. Although Spock and Uhura’s relationship was common knowledge, nobody dared to ask them directly about it. All they would admit to was a number of conferences. Private conferences, that didn’t need to be noted in their daily log of official activities.

“Knew the kid was brave, Jim, but that took real guts.” Bones had leaned back towards Kirk, slipping one arm companionably around his shoulders and resting his other hand on Kirk’s knee. Kirk grabbed the table in an effort not to respond to his best friend’s lazy pawing. Finally, the alcohol had kicked in, and now there was a witness. Jim knew that Bones would be extremely angry later if anything happened now in front of Sulu, and being Chief Medical Officer meant that there were many perfectly legal ways that Bones could make his life hell.

Sometimes being the Captain meant you had to make the hard decisions.

A male voice murmured quietly over the comm unit, and Uhura, now reaching permafrost levels, spoke again.

“Commander Spock remembers seeing Chekov with Commander Scott shortly after dinner . I suggest you interrupt his evening. Uhura out.”

Bones sniggered.

“Sounds like Sulu interrupted something pretty important! Do you think that she and Spock were holding an important conference?”

Kirk would have been more amused if Uhura hadn’t obviously been in the middle of activities he was spectacularly failing to achieve.

“She was holding something, anyway,” he muttered as he watched a worried Sulu page Scotty.

“Commander Scott? Have you seen Chekov today?”

Scotty’s thick brogue came strongly over the comm link.

“Aye lad, saw him after dinner. All kitted out in some fencing getup. He was kind enough to help in a wee experiment of mine.”

Kirk’s vague alarm bells now turned into the red alert signal, and he couldn’t have been alone because Sulu tensed even further and Bones pulled himself mostly upright. Jim stood up and took over the comm unit.

“Scotty, this is Kirk. What kind of experiment was it?”

Scotty’s experiments were legendary, dangerous and frequently resulted in explosions. Most of the crew were savvy enough to avoid having anything to do with them, especially after the business with the mis-beamed cargo container of banana pudding and the ship’s ventilation system. Chekov was a genius – literally – but he was also young, innocent and eager to help. A perfect victim.

“Nothing to worry about, captain, it wasnae anything dangerous. I was just refining my equations for inter-ship beaming, and I wanted to send someone to another deck. “

“You beamed Chekov somewhere inside the ship?” demanded Kirk.

“Aye captain, “ Scotty said proudly. “From the transporter room on deck seven to outside the holodeck on deck forty three. I think you’ll find that history’s just been made, right there.”

Bones shot Jim a horrified look. Not even his medical skills could revive someone lost in a transporter accident. Sulu looked like he was about to vomit. Nobody spoke, until a slightly worried Scotty asked,

“Is everything all right, captain?”

“Did Chekov speak to you after the experiment?” Kirk asked desperately, trying not to imagine what could happen to a person if they re-materialised halfway through a bulkhead.

“Uh, ah...actually, no, captain, not that I come to think about it. I was so excited you see, about the history and all that, I was about to, then Yeoman Rand came in the room and I got a bit...distracted.”

A distinctly feminine giggle was heard over the comm link, followed by Scotty’s hurried shushing noises. Kirk’s blood began to boil. Was everybody on board his ship getting some but him?

“Well, focus now Scotty. Chekov hasn’t been seen since your transporter experiment, he isn’t answering his comm and the computer can’t locate him. Find him, that’s an order.”

What followed next was a nightmare. An all-hands order had everybody on board hunting in every corner of the ship for Chekov. Spock, of course, was the person to find him. He appeared on the bridge unflustered but with his uniform top on inside out and suggested that they scan the ship for Chekov’s DNA. Eliminating the bridge and his quarters, which a frantic Sulu had already checked and re-checked, they discovered a Chekov-sized amount of DNA trapped in a Jefferies tube running through an auxiliary cargo bay on deck sixty three.

Sulu was the first of the crew to dash to the turbolift, followed by Kirk and McCoy. Uhura joined them, daring them with a look to try to send her away. As ever, Spock followed faithfully.

The feeble thumping and shouts for help were barely audible in the cargo bay, and a frantic Scotty who had run at full pelt from Engineering theorised that the high pythonium content of the Jeffries tube was responsible for blocking the communications signal. He quickly got a service hatch open and began fishing about for one of Chekov’s limbs.

Unfortunately Chekov was wedged at an odd angle, and it took a combination of Sulu, Scotty and Spock pulling and pushing Chekov to free him. Thanks to Spock’s superior Vulcan strength pushing him forward, Chekov popped out of the hatch like a champagne cork from a bottle. He cannoned into Sulu, who caught him in a full-body hug before toppling backwards into Scotty, who did a fantastic impersonation of The Flying Scotsman, before coming to rest among some cargo drums. That was enough for a still tipsy Bones, who promptly started to laugh so hard he needed Kirk to keep him upright.

Seeing that reason and logic were clearly no longer of any use, Uhura and Spock left the cargo bay, conference bound. After checking that Chekov was in one piece, Scotty limped back to Yeoman Rand to continue to celebrate his historical achievement. Chekov was being helped to sickbay by a blushing Sulu, who was being enthusiastically thanked and clung to in equal measure. He didn’t seem to mind it though, mused Jim, who noted exactly where on Chekov’s body Sulu had chosen to place his supportive hands.

That just left him and Bones, alone at last. Bones was still clinging to him, but his hands could definitely be classed as “grabby”. The cargo bay wasn’t the most romantic part of the ship by any means, but surely as captain it was his job to know every inch of the Enterprise intimately?

Fishing his comm unit from his pocket, Kirk rescinded the all-hands alert and gave the much-longed for ‘as you were’.

He turned to look at Bones, and smiled to see the lustful glint in his best friend’s eyes. Arching an eyebrow he said, “Well? Didn’t you hear the order? As you were, doctor.”

Bones pounced, and Jim rejoiced.

It was a shame that the gas nebula chose that moment to ignite.